I want to be a business consultant.

No, really. I was at the Land's End Inlet in Richfield yesterday, and seriously, who organized their kids' clothes? They're a mess: scattered all over in about a zillion random categories but with sizes barely differentiated so I went looking for not-quite-perfect clothes for Kiera and kept coming up with size 10-12 girl's dresses. You have to make the Kamikaze Left Turn of Doom to get into that entire shopping center if you came from 494, which I bet 90% of their customers do -- doesn't this mall have a City Council rep they can call to ask for a traffic light? The Borders, like every other chain bookstore I've seen recently, has a sign telling you not to bring merchandise into the bathroom, but no little table outside the door where you can set it and not worry about some overzealous store employee re-shelving it while you're occupied.

I can tell them everything they're doing wrong, and I'd work cheap. How do I get them to hire me?

While I'm at it, I can tell Macy's how to make money off of that department store chain they just bought, at least in Minnesota, and I know what Ford ought to do with the St. Paul plant they've been talking about closing, instead of closing it. I can save American industry! Singlehandedly! If I could only figure out how to get them to take me seriously...