Kiera Update, and Good vs. Bad Mommy Days
Apr. 6th, 2005 03:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
naomikritzerSo I'm not sure we can say that the dairy experiment was an unqualified success. She woke up screaming at about 12:45 a.m. today; I was still up (I had decided to write 500 words before going to bed, despite having had a really bad day, and I had just finished writing) and figured I would nurse her back to sleep and put her back in her crib before going to bed myself. Kiera does wake in the night every night still. (Yes, the books all say that your baby will sleep through the night at 4 months. I have met a handful of people whose babies did this without coersion, but they are the exception, not the rule. Molly was about two when she started going through the night without waking.) She normally wakes up with a whimper, though, not a banshee wail.
She did nurse back to sleep, but refused, after several tries, to go down in her own crib, so I finally gave up and took her to bed with me. And slept badly, and not for long enough. I'm not sure whether to blame the dairy, the time change, or some random sleep quirk -- she does this occasionally just out of the blue, the midnight screaming, and it could be something like a bad dream. (It's not sleep terrors, as she is definitely awake when I go to her.)
Yesterday was a Bad Mommy Day.
On a Good Mommy Day, when the girls start to bicker, I intervene gracefully and distract one or both children with some new toy or activity. On a Bad Mommy Day, when the girls start to bicker, I ignore them, and when the screaming rises to a crisis, I yell at them. On a Good Mommy Day, I hold both kids in my lap and they take turns choosing books and I read all the picture books I've read a zillion times for the zillion-and-first time, letting go of the desire for distraction or entertainment, cherishing the smell of their hair, the warmth of their bodies, the simplicity of the stories. On a Bad Mommy Day, I can't deal with yet another round of "The Poky Little Puppy's First Christmas," I can't deal with the fact that they're squabbling over the space on my lap, I just. can't. deal.
On a Good Mommy Day, if both girls are quietly eating snacks at the dining room table, I take the opportunity to pick up the mittens and hats and shoes that are scattered all over the living room, to sweep, to wash the dishes from breakfast and lunch. On a Bad Mommy Day, I find myself choking with rage as I pick up the mittens and hats and shoes yet again. Why do I even bother. It's going to be scattered around the living room again in five minutes. It's not even cold out. We're not even wearing most of this stuff. But someone wanted something that was buried in one of the four baskets we use for all our outdoor stuff (every single sorting algorithm I've used to organize all this crap disintegrates in a day and a half), so they dug EVERYTHING out of the basket and scattered it ALL over the floor, and yes, I can make Molly pick it up if it was Molly who made the mess, but (a) she won't do a very good job, and (b) I want it picked up NOW so that I can sweep the damn floor while they're still eating their snack, and (c) on a Bad Mommy Day, I probably don't know whether it was Molly or Kiera who made the mess because they did it while I was out of the room.
On a Good Mommy Day, when Molly is up in her room and I realize that she never picked up her art supplies, I call her downstairs and tell her she needs to clean up after herself. On a Bad Mommy Day, I pick it all up myself, because I don't have the energy to make Molly do it, and anyway, if she's up in her room by herself, either Kiera is sleeping in which case I get some time to myself, or Kiera is awake in which case at least they're not bickering, and either way, I'm not going to screw that up.
Yesterday was a Bad Mommy Day. Today is, too. Fortunately, this morning we at least had an outing (lunch with my mother) where someone else entertained them and distracted them from bickering, at least for a little while. My mother chuckles sympathetically when I talk about the bickering; I was one of three, and I remember that we bickered pretty much all the time.
I need a vacation.
She did nurse back to sleep, but refused, after several tries, to go down in her own crib, so I finally gave up and took her to bed with me. And slept badly, and not for long enough. I'm not sure whether to blame the dairy, the time change, or some random sleep quirk -- she does this occasionally just out of the blue, the midnight screaming, and it could be something like a bad dream. (It's not sleep terrors, as she is definitely awake when I go to her.)
Yesterday was a Bad Mommy Day.
On a Good Mommy Day, when the girls start to bicker, I intervene gracefully and distract one or both children with some new toy or activity. On a Bad Mommy Day, when the girls start to bicker, I ignore them, and when the screaming rises to a crisis, I yell at them. On a Good Mommy Day, I hold both kids in my lap and they take turns choosing books and I read all the picture books I've read a zillion times for the zillion-and-first time, letting go of the desire for distraction or entertainment, cherishing the smell of their hair, the warmth of their bodies, the simplicity of the stories. On a Bad Mommy Day, I can't deal with yet another round of "The Poky Little Puppy's First Christmas," I can't deal with the fact that they're squabbling over the space on my lap, I just. can't. deal.
On a Good Mommy Day, if both girls are quietly eating snacks at the dining room table, I take the opportunity to pick up the mittens and hats and shoes that are scattered all over the living room, to sweep, to wash the dishes from breakfast and lunch. On a Bad Mommy Day, I find myself choking with rage as I pick up the mittens and hats and shoes yet again. Why do I even bother. It's going to be scattered around the living room again in five minutes. It's not even cold out. We're not even wearing most of this stuff. But someone wanted something that was buried in one of the four baskets we use for all our outdoor stuff (every single sorting algorithm I've used to organize all this crap disintegrates in a day and a half), so they dug EVERYTHING out of the basket and scattered it ALL over the floor, and yes, I can make Molly pick it up if it was Molly who made the mess, but (a) she won't do a very good job, and (b) I want it picked up NOW so that I can sweep the damn floor while they're still eating their snack, and (c) on a Bad Mommy Day, I probably don't know whether it was Molly or Kiera who made the mess because they did it while I was out of the room.
On a Good Mommy Day, when Molly is up in her room and I realize that she never picked up her art supplies, I call her downstairs and tell her she needs to clean up after herself. On a Bad Mommy Day, I pick it all up myself, because I don't have the energy to make Molly do it, and anyway, if she's up in her room by herself, either Kiera is sleeping in which case I get some time to myself, or Kiera is awake in which case at least they're not bickering, and either way, I'm not going to screw that up.
Yesterday was a Bad Mommy Day. Today is, too. Fortunately, this morning we at least had an outing (lunch with my mother) where someone else entertained them and distracted them from bickering, at least for a little while. My mother chuckles sympathetically when I talk about the bickering; I was one of three, and I remember that we bickered pretty much all the time.
I need a vacation.
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no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 10:47 pm (UTC)Anyhow, I'm glad you have both kinds of days.
no subject
Date: 2005-04-06 11:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-07 02:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-07 02:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-04-07 02:26 am (UTC)Another not-so-good mommy
Date: 2005-04-07 06:37 am (UTC)I'm a first-time reader here, came over from Jody at Raising WEG when I read your comment there. I'm a mom of triplets who just turned 5. We have lots of bickering here, and lots too many toys especially since birthdays and Easter. DH got some new storage bins, but we need to purge some excess stuff. And of course all the adults' papers and clutter too. Don't know what lifetime that will ever happen in!
- Sheila
no subject
Date: 2005-04-07 08:53 pm (UTC)