Temperament and Children
Nov. 26th, 2005 04:37 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
naomikritzerMinnesota offers a parent-child education program through the public schools, called ECFE (Early Childhood and Family Education). I took Molly from infancy until she was old enough to go to preschool. Back then, they had enough funding that they actually had an aide who would keep the older siblings occupied. There have been cuts since then, and for various reasons, I've never taken Kiera to ECFE. Too bad, because she'd enjoy it; she's a very social kid.
Older child classes were "separating," which means that you'd initially arrive and have free playtime, and then at some point the parents would withdraw to another space. The kids would continue to play under the supervision of the child-educator, while the parents met with the parent-educator for a discussion of potty training, childhood nutrition, carseats, or whatever.
One of the most useful things I got out of the parent education sessions was the idea of temperament.
When I took the class, they told us that temperament was comprised of nine traits. Each trait was basically a spectrum, and children fell somewhere on the spectrum.
1. Activity.
Always moving and doing something ------------------------- Happy to be a couch potato
2. Regularity
You can set an alarm clock by this child ---------------------- I never know when she'll be hungry or tired
3. Approach
Oh goody, something NEW! ---------------------- Get that scary new thing AWAY from me!
4. Adaptability
Makes transitions easily, okay with changes in routine ----------------- Hates transitions, traumatized by shifts in routine
5. Intensity
Reacts very strongly (both positively and negatively) ----------------- Pretty mellow
6. Mood
Generally sunny ----------------------------------- Generally cloudy
Generally even-tempered ------------------------ Shifts moods quickly and frequently
7. Persistence and attention span
Will put that puzzle together if it takes all afternoon ----------------------- This is too hard, let's do something else.
8. Distractibility
Easily distracted --------------------------------- Could ignore a loaded clown-car rolling into the living room
9. Sensory threshold
Unruffled by loud noises, bright lights, funny foods --------------------------- Bothered by noises you can't hear
There are a couple of things I found interesting and useful about this particular prism for looking at my children.
First, temperament is mostly inborn. Of course, children have to learn to behave in socially acceptable ways regardless, but temperament helped me to see which behaviors might be harder for my kid than for other kids. This helped me get over some of the guilt about things I thought I'd clearly screwed up. For instance, I strongly suspect that kids with high regularity sleep through the night a lot sooner. Molly and Kiera didn't sleep through the night until they were two. I am a low-regularity adult (Ed is high-regularity) and clearly they got it from me, but not because I screwed them up. This was an inborn trait, and so they took longer to learn to sleep through the night.
Second, these traits helped me to see challenging behavior in a morally neutral way. Both extremes have their own issues. For instance, Molly was (and is) an extremely high-approach kid. She loves new things, new places, and new people. This meant that when she turned three and I took her to preschool, she didn't cry or resist being left. The downside: airports are even more stressful when you know your kid wouldn't hesitate to go for a walk with a friendly stranger.
Third, these traits helped me to get over my own tendency to pat myself on the back for having such good kids. Both Molly and Kiera fall into the easier parts of the spectrum with nearly every trait. They are moderate in activity, low in regularity, high-approach, highly adaptable, low-to-moderate intensity, and sunny mood. They are both highly persistent: this can actually be really annoying in a toddler (you're supposed to manage annoying toddler behavior by "distraction," and this doesn't work well on either of my kids) but is a good trait to have as you get older. They are pretty focused (again, not always a plus in a toddler) and are very tolerant of sensory stimuli. The low regularity did mean that they slept through the night a lot later, but it also means that if I want them to stay up late for some reason, they don't get grouchy. If Kiera has to skip her nap, this is usually no problem. Anyway, I was lucky to get two generally easy kids. Learning about temperament really helped me to see how lucky I was, and how this was NOT just because I was a stellar parent, but because they were born with a certain set of traits.
After discussing temperament in ECFE, I borrowed a book called "Temperament Tools" from the lending library. This book described kids with certain clusters of traits, and suggested ways of managing them. One of these kids ("Beiling Bluebird") was me, right down to the blood sugar crashes. This child is described as active and easily frustrated: the chapter goes on to say that kids with this set of traits are often really perfectionistic, and sometimes melt down when they can't do something right the first time. They suggested a number of strategies, including stressing effort rather than result anytime you praise the child (I've done this with myself as an adult, giving myself props for trying something even if I fail at it). They also suggested keeping a high-protein snack around at all times, and if your kid has a meltdown, that you start by making him sit down and have a snack.
We compared notes on our kids in that ECFE class. Molly was so enchanted by novelty at that age that if I went garage sale shopping and brought home a bag full of new clothes, she wanted to put on everything, immediately, without so much as letting me launder it. Another kid in the class was so freaked out by new things that his mother had to go clothes shopping without him, then show him the clothes, then leave the clothes sitting on a chair in his room for a week or two, and only then was there any chance of getting him to put them on.
Older child classes were "separating," which means that you'd initially arrive and have free playtime, and then at some point the parents would withdraw to another space. The kids would continue to play under the supervision of the child-educator, while the parents met with the parent-educator for a discussion of potty training, childhood nutrition, carseats, or whatever.
One of the most useful things I got out of the parent education sessions was the idea of temperament.
When I took the class, they told us that temperament was comprised of nine traits. Each trait was basically a spectrum, and children fell somewhere on the spectrum.
1. Activity.
Always moving and doing something ------------------------- Happy to be a couch potato
2. Regularity
You can set an alarm clock by this child ---------------------- I never know when she'll be hungry or tired
3. Approach
Oh goody, something NEW! ---------------------- Get that scary new thing AWAY from me!
4. Adaptability
Makes transitions easily, okay with changes in routine ----------------- Hates transitions, traumatized by shifts in routine
5. Intensity
Reacts very strongly (both positively and negatively) ----------------- Pretty mellow
6. Mood
Generally sunny ----------------------------------- Generally cloudy
Generally even-tempered ------------------------ Shifts moods quickly and frequently
7. Persistence and attention span
Will put that puzzle together if it takes all afternoon ----------------------- This is too hard, let's do something else.
8. Distractibility
Easily distracted --------------------------------- Could ignore a loaded clown-car rolling into the living room
9. Sensory threshold
Unruffled by loud noises, bright lights, funny foods --------------------------- Bothered by noises you can't hear
There are a couple of things I found interesting and useful about this particular prism for looking at my children.
First, temperament is mostly inborn. Of course, children have to learn to behave in socially acceptable ways regardless, but temperament helped me to see which behaviors might be harder for my kid than for other kids. This helped me get over some of the guilt about things I thought I'd clearly screwed up. For instance, I strongly suspect that kids with high regularity sleep through the night a lot sooner. Molly and Kiera didn't sleep through the night until they were two. I am a low-regularity adult (Ed is high-regularity) and clearly they got it from me, but not because I screwed them up. This was an inborn trait, and so they took longer to learn to sleep through the night.
Second, these traits helped me to see challenging behavior in a morally neutral way. Both extremes have their own issues. For instance, Molly was (and is) an extremely high-approach kid. She loves new things, new places, and new people. This meant that when she turned three and I took her to preschool, she didn't cry or resist being left. The downside: airports are even more stressful when you know your kid wouldn't hesitate to go for a walk with a friendly stranger.
Third, these traits helped me to get over my own tendency to pat myself on the back for having such good kids. Both Molly and Kiera fall into the easier parts of the spectrum with nearly every trait. They are moderate in activity, low in regularity, high-approach, highly adaptable, low-to-moderate intensity, and sunny mood. They are both highly persistent: this can actually be really annoying in a toddler (you're supposed to manage annoying toddler behavior by "distraction," and this doesn't work well on either of my kids) but is a good trait to have as you get older. They are pretty focused (again, not always a plus in a toddler) and are very tolerant of sensory stimuli. The low regularity did mean that they slept through the night a lot later, but it also means that if I want them to stay up late for some reason, they don't get grouchy. If Kiera has to skip her nap, this is usually no problem. Anyway, I was lucky to get two generally easy kids. Learning about temperament really helped me to see how lucky I was, and how this was NOT just because I was a stellar parent, but because they were born with a certain set of traits.
After discussing temperament in ECFE, I borrowed a book called "Temperament Tools" from the lending library. This book described kids with certain clusters of traits, and suggested ways of managing them. One of these kids ("Beiling Bluebird") was me, right down to the blood sugar crashes. This child is described as active and easily frustrated: the chapter goes on to say that kids with this set of traits are often really perfectionistic, and sometimes melt down when they can't do something right the first time. They suggested a number of strategies, including stressing effort rather than result anytime you praise the child (I've done this with myself as an adult, giving myself props for trying something even if I fail at it). They also suggested keeping a high-protein snack around at all times, and if your kid has a meltdown, that you start by making him sit down and have a snack.
We compared notes on our kids in that ECFE class. Molly was so enchanted by novelty at that age that if I went garage sale shopping and brought home a bag full of new clothes, she wanted to put on everything, immediately, without so much as letting me launder it. Another kid in the class was so freaked out by new things that his mother had to go clothes shopping without him, then show him the clothes, then leave the clothes sitting on a chair in his room for a week or two, and only then was there any chance of getting him to put them on.
