Non-Picky Eaters

[naomikritzer]

In response to my posting about the cherry tomatoes and their tutus, several people have expressed surprise that my children willingly eat cucumbers and cherry tomatoes. I find this kind of funny, for several reasons. First, Molly and Kiera don't just willingly eat cucumbers, they hog the cucumbers so thoroughly that we've started buying two for every salad, so that Ed and I will get some cucumber, too. But also, they're very fond of an awful lot of foods that are not generally considered child-friendly.

In terms of just eating stuff, they will eat almost anything. Molly dislikes onions, asparagus, and broccoli. There are other foods that she'll occasionally complain about eating, and her preferences change without notice: one day she'll eat all the marble jack cheese she can get her hands on, and the next day she'll say she doesn't like it anymore and only want sharp cheddar. They will seriously try practically anything. I bought some soft-shelled crabs a few weeks ago (from Coastal Seafoods, the best place in the Cities to get fish) and pan-fried them for dinner. Both girls tried it, and Molly ate all of hers.

As far as things they really like -- both girls will beg for parmesan cheese (sliced off a wedge, to be consumed straight) and sharp cheddar. We had some Dubliner cheese around for a while, and they liked that. Both girls love salmon and tuna. Molly begs for "bone-out rainbow trout," something else we can get from Coastal; she likes them because they have their heads still attached. Kiera also likes the bone-out rainbow trout but prefers that we leave the head off her plate. They will also beg for shrimp, and Molly has started lobbying us to get her a lobster sometime ("How am I ever going to learn to get the shell off a lobster if you won't get me one to practice on?") They love raw baby carrots. Kiera liked jicama (Molly, not so much), and will stand around trying to filch sliced bell pepper whenever I have to cut it up for a dish. Molly loves egg rolls. They both love sushi.

Molly is kind of funny about sauces; sometimes she'll emphatically insist that the sauce be served next to her pasta and then try to eat just the pasta. Kiera often prefers to eat her sauces as dip, but she really, really likes many "dips" that we've put on her plate.

Both girls love mashed potatoes, which I think of as a bit more of a normal kid thing to like. Molly doesn't care for French fries, though. (Go figure.) They will also eat cartloads of fruit, though Kiera does not like plums (Molly loves plums) and Molly only wants green pears. Nice green pears. Oh, and Molly hates bananas. Though she likes banana bread just fine.

They also eat some totally bizarre concoctions -- Molly requested a cheese and ketchup sandwich for snack last week, and Kiera immediately demanded one, too. For lunch one day last week, Molly decided she wanted to make a "mixture," and with some assistance made herself a bowl of half-thawed frozen corn, grated cheddar cheese, Cheerios, and golden raisins. And ate it all, except for small portions which she demanded that Kiera and I try because it was so good she wanted to share. (Bleah.) Molly has also eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwiches made with mint jelly (you know, like you'd put on lamb chops).

Their one major limitation is spiciness: neither girl will eat spicy food. This is pretty understandable, as spicy food really hurts if you're not used to it.

*

There are a lot of highly judgmental people out there who think that pickiness is the result of overly accomodating parents.

I don't think this assumption is always unwarranted. In Lunds one day last year, they were giving out samples of salmon. I was really pleased to see this, as the girls LOVE salmon, so I happily snagged three little samples and presented one to each girl as a fabulous and unexpected treat. Which it was, for us.

The lady handing out the samples said that it was so nice to see a parent encouraging her children to like fish. I laughed and said that plenty of kids just have an aversion to fish, and it isn't anything the parents did. She sighed and said sadly that many of the children walking past had asked their parents if they could have a sample, and the parents had said, "Oh, that's fish. You wouldn't like it." And kept walking.


So yeah, there are a few parents who raise their children to be picky and limited eaters. On the other hand, there are also parents who bend over backwards to expose their children to new foods, only to be shot down by kids who will not try it in the rain, in the dark, on a train, in a boat, with a goat, etc., etc., etc. There are kids with sensory issues, an overabundance of taste buds, or a supersensitive gag reflex; all of these problems tend to fade with age, so it's easy for adults to forget that they were not just being picky and defiant when they refused to eat something on the grounds that it might make them throw up. You can't make a kid eat. With some kids, it's a battle you can pick and win without too much trouble: my kids have to eat a reasonable amount of dinner in order to get dessert, and that's an actual motivator for them. For other kids, the dessert is just one more stressor: I remember a childhood friend who gagged on apple pie and started sobbing that she didn't want it. (This was, I think, after a two-family trip to Red Lobster, where according to the story, I waved my crab legs at her saying, "These are SO GOOD, are you sure you don't want to try them?" as she turned green and looked like she wanted to crawl under the table. She and her brother ordered hamburgers.) Other kids have physical intolerances to certain foods, and learn early to be extremely wary of new things because so many new foods make them feel sick later.

Anyway. I don't think I did anything that caused my kids to be open-minded eaters -- I think I birthed two open-minded eaters, and managed to not screw that up (so far). It's lovely to be able to try out a new dish and be confident that they'll willingly try it and possibly like it -- this makes me very happy. But I consider this a stroke of good fortune, not evidence of my superior parenting skill.

Comments

[ellameena.livejournal.com]

I have a lot of thoughts on this topic. My son is another kid who will eat anything. We've often grumbled at restaurants because the kids menus are so limited and never have any vegetables on them. We end up ordering an adult plate, with adult portions, for our seven-year-old. It's ridiculous. I don't think that kids turn into picky eaters because their parents are overly accommodating. On the contrary, I believe that picky eaters most often result from parental pressure and blackmail (that or it's just their natural tendency). Too many parents FORCE their kids to eat vegetables, and they end up choking them down like medicine. In our house, no one ever has to eat anything they don't like. Glen didn't try everything when he was two or three years old. Nowadays, he's quite likely to insist on tasting everything. We picked up sushi at the grocery store for dinner. He picked out some shrimp sushi that he knew he'd like, and also asked for the calamari salad and some of the salmon sushi, too. He loved the salmon, and the tuna, but he didn't like the calamari salad. (He loves fried calamari rings.)

A couple of years ago, I watched a TV program about how children develop their eating habits. They featured some experiments showing that children 3 and under will not overeat, in other words, they will leave food on their plate if they get full. By the time the kids are five, they will finish everything on their plate, no matter how big the portion. Likewise, when kids were presented with two foods side-by-side, I think a sandwich and some goldfish crackers, they ate a little of both. But when they were told that they couldn't have any goldfish crackers until they'd eaten their sandwich, they utterly pigged out on the crackers when they finally got them, taking in excess calories even though they were no longer hungry. Witholding one food until another is eaten sends the message that one food is tasty and the other is not. The suggestion from the nutritionists on that program was to serve dessert alongside the meal. Since then, I've tried this on and off, and I think it does result in less eating of dessert and more eating of healthy food, but it's such a firm tradition to save dessert until last that it kind of bugs people when they see me getting the cake and ice cream out at the same time as the meat, potatos, and salad. I did make a discovery, though, when my son was very young and demanding ice cream instead of whatever we were having for dinner. I got the ice cream for him, he ate a couple of bites, was satisfied, and then began eating his dinner and we all had a very pleasant time. Ever since then, I will serve dessert with dinner if we have it and anyone wants it. No one will believe me, though, if I say I got my son to eat a wide variety of vegetables, meats, and fish by letting him have ice cream whenever he wanted it. ;-)

Anyway, just a lot of rambling thoughts. I myself was a picky eater as a child. I was never forced to eat anything or threatened with punishment, and I turned out fine, and eventually grew out of my pickiness (in my twenties). Some kids (and some people) do have more sensitive taste buds. There's no point in making a big deal out of what someone will not eat. Life is too short.

[squigsoup.livejournal.com]

I think there must be some element of genetics to this. I have two picky eaters--although I try to say instead "they just know what they like"--whose parents were, I have to admit, two picky eaters.

I think this is a very emotional issue for some people, because food is so wrapped up in emotion, and if we aren't feeding our children right then we aren't nourishing them, etc.

[peacockharpy.livejournal.com]

Meg has likes and dislikes, but like your girls, she will try most things. She like sushi; she actually prefers fish to any meat. She likes vegetables, although which vegetables she likes varies from day to day. She loves fruit. In the past few days, she rediscovered applesauce.

On the other hand, she is a very "slim" eater. A few mouthfuls of something and she's satisfied. I note that this is in part because she snacks constantly; she doesn't eat meals so much as have a stream of nuts (she likes cashews best), pretzels, carrot sticks, grapes, etc. all day long. And milk. So dinner is just another snack, and that's just how she eats.

She also has a raging sweet tooth and really loves chocolate.

We've never told her that anything is "yucky." We have told her she must eat a bite of everything on her plate to get dessert, though (and even then, she'll often eat a few bites and move on). We do insist that she join us at the table, and that she ask to be excused when she's finished. We like having a "family dinner" and we want to instill that in Meg.

[jimlawrence.livejournal.com]

My philosophy was always that we should treat our family -- our children -- with the same consideration and respect that we give to others. If we invited friends over for dinner, we wouldn't be critical of their food choices -- we wouldn't nag at them for not eating their peas, right? So why shouldn't we offer the same good manners and respect to our children. If good food choices are provided, over the space of a few days their idiosyncratic eating patterns will probably average out to a balanced diet.

I prefer strawberry jelly; my brother has always gone for grape. My youngest only wants strawberry jelly, my daughter prefers grape, and my eldest was open to all flavors.

When my eldest was in high school he was a total carnivore (he was on track, cross-country, and swim teams, so he burned many calories per day) -- His first weekend home from college I fixed roast beef and he said "Gee, you guys sure eat a lot of red meat." and I noted that Nancy and I loved salads and vegetables and that the weekend menu was based on his high school tastes. By Thanksgiving break he had become a complete vegetarian (and, almost twenty years later, he remains a slim, trim, vegetarian).

With both of my younger two, I made our own baby food, especially the baby food meals -- the idea being that not only was it probably healthier than the stuff in the glass jars, it would get them accustomed to the kinds of food we ate, looking ahead to the time when they would be eating stuff that had not been run through a blender. Despite that, they both developed their own idiosyncratic eating patterns -- Gillian loved almost all vegetables (except to this very day she will not eat asparagus) while Jeremy was less enthusiastic about veggies than his sister (except he loved corn and would accept peas), as he grew older he became open to more and more foods.

All three of my kids are quite at home in the kitchen and all can cook. Jeremy, in fact, not only loves to cook, he has worked in restaurant kitchens since he was fourteen (starting as a dishwasher) and today (at twenty-one) he is a line-cook and pizza chef who looks forward to the day he can open his own bistro style restaurant.

When they were little I would suggest "I think it's pretty good. Take a taste; see if you like it." They were never told they had to eat something they didn't like nor that they had to sit at the table until they cleaned their plates, etc. Like I said, you wouldn't treat dinner guests that way, so why do it with your kids?"

Your girls, however, sound like open-minded and adventurous eaters...

[swords-and-pens.livejournal.com]

We've actually got both sides of this issue: Evan will try just about anything (as long as it doesn't involve sauces or tomatoes - he's never liked either, including catsup) and loves most fruits and veggies. He's also a fish fanatic, likes mussels, and generally eats most other things. He has declined sushi to date, even though while I don't like it, Jamie does, and I am supportive of his trying it in general.

Cameron, on the other hand, is a very picky eater. It was a long time before we could get him to eat any kind of fruit or vegetable, but he at least has decided he likes a few now. He generally won't go for fish, and is hit and miss on protein in general. He does love dairy, though. Breakfast and lunch are by far his strongest meals, with dinner usually a matter of getting him to eat at least a few bites before he can be excused from the table. One thing that we found works is telling him he needs to eat X many bites of something we know he likes (corn, peas, noodles), just so he eats with the family. X is a small number, but he has to at least make an effort. Sometimes, I think, a big pile of something can seem daunting to a little guy, so if we break it down and give him a bit of direction as to what amount is o.k., he does better. Other times, I am convinced that texture makes a difference (if I cook fresh green beans "just so", he devours them - they are over-cooked by a minute, he won't touch them).

As to food habits in general, we've always had the rule that you have to at least try one bite of each thing on your plate. If you don't like it, fine, no one will make you eat it (or try it again next time), but you have to take one taste. I think this is what helped Evan realize he likes as much as he does - he'd make a face, take a bite, then decide it was good after all. Hasn't been such a hit with Cam. :)

On a pet peeve: I don't believe in forcing children to "clean their plate" or eat an entire portion just because that is the size I happened to serve them. They need to learn to feel when they are full and stop eating on their own. My dad believed in the whole "clean your plate thing" - which I think came from his growing up in a big family during the Depression - and I've been having trouble leaving food on my plate ever since. I feel *compelled* to eat it if it is on my plate, even if I'm stuffed. I won't do that to my kids. If they want seconds, they are welcome to them, but I a not going to force them to finish anything.

But overal, I agree -- some kids just are more picky than others. As parents, we can help a bit with this; but parents also need to recognize that if their kids are telling them they don't like something, then they probably *don't like it*. If we aren't willing eat/prepare/order food we don't like, why should we expect them to force it down?

[sylvia-rachel.livejournal.com]

We don't do "clean your plate" (shudder). We tried a one-bite rule once. DD cried for 45 minutes rather than try one bite of carrot or red pepper (we gave her a choice). We decided it wasn't worth the agony and started giving her multi-vitamins every day instead.

[sylvia-rachel.livejournal.com]

I know people who do that with their kids, too (tell them they won't like it because it's X). I have friends who are convinced that DH and I somehow at some point did that with DD, but in fact ... yeah, I think I just gave birth to a picky eater (she's picky about everything else, too, for that matter). So thanks for sharing the story of your queasy friend -- it's reassuring!

(I'm still laughing about the tomato tutus, too.)

[notthatedburke.livejournal.com]

I have to object to the notion that we deny them dessert for not eating dinner. On the rare occasion when they don't get a small dessert, it's because they were egregiously misbehaving. And all "no dessert" means is that they don't get a piece of candy, or a cookie, before they have the yogurt, cheese, crackers, etc. that they have for snack before bed.

We do sometimes require them to eat a varied dinner. But I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that after scarfing down 1/2 lb. of shrimp, they need to eat something else if they're still hungry.