naomikritzer | Real kids don't talk like you.

My critique group, the Wyrdsmiths, met last night. Kelly is working on a (really fabulous, REALLY dark) YA novel with a teenaged protagonist. Someone (Sean, I think) complained that Kelly's protagonist says "It is, indeed," in response to a question, and asked if any kid anywhere really talks like that.

"I did," Bill said. "Until it was beaten out of me."

We discussed the language a bit, and how it related to the setting of the story, and then moved on.

I thought of this tonight, because we ate out. We went to this little restaurant near our house called the Town Talk Diner. Lake Street (the street it's on) is under construction right now, and so we had to drive two blocks past the restaurant to find a parking space.

On our way back to the car, Molly grumbled, "This walk is so tiresome. Why didn't you park closer?"

Tiresome? Tiresome? Who talks like that?

*

The restaurant, incidentally, was great. The Town Talk Diner is a Minneapolis landmark. It was closed for a while as the building was rebuilt, then re-opened under new management. It's still a diner, but it's a diner run by foodies. They serve all sorts of diner standards, but done really well, with really good ingredients. Molly ordered the grilled cheese sandwich; it was made with cheddar and gouda and was really excellent. The grilled cheese usually comes with a side of fries, but Molly doesn't like fries, so I asked whether they could make her some sort of fruit cup. They had a lot of berries on hand for brunch tomorrow, so they gave her a cup of strawberries and blackberries. Kiera had the hot dog and fries. Ed had the "Kitchen Sink" burger, which he said was a great hamburger, and I had a pulled pork sandwich, which was also really good.

For dessert, the girls shared a lemon pudding cake; Ed and I had the crunchy banana split, which was the weirdest really fabulous dessert I think I've ever had. They cut up a banana, put the pieces into wonton wrappers, and deep fry it. They sprinkle that with cinnamon, and serve each wedge between scoops of ice cream, with homemade syrups. Wow. It sounded utterly bizarre, but I was so glad I ordered it.

They also have alcoholic milkshakes. And an "Irish float," which is Guinness with a scoop of vanilla ice cream in it -- that sounds disgusting to me, but probably there are people out there that would think it was great.

Service was excellent: friendly, accomodating, and attentive. There were other kids there, all of them clearly pleased to be there. When we arrived a little before 6 the place was pretty empty, but it filled up, despite the rain and the road construction.

There is a Denny's across the street. It was nearly deserted.

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I am reminded that when I was a youth, young adult books always seemed sort of dated--which, I realized when I was older, was due to the fact that the authors were probably writing about their OWN youth, which would have preceded mine by about 20 years.

(I am in no way indicating that your friend is doing this; I am just hijacking your blog to share that insight.)

if any kid anywhere really talks like that

I get nailed for this by my group All. The. Time. And the answer is: I talked like that. But I'm only allowed to have one character per novel who talks like I did as a teenager.

I remember distinctly an Absolute Write post where someone was griping about a character from a published novel saying "You know full well", saying it wasn't soemthing a regular person would say, and someone who did would be one of two (unkind) types.

Which has made me rather pause every time I say it since.

(But still, I wouldn't put it in the mouth of a teen.)

Tha hard part with a teen or a kid is making the language colloquial enough to feel right without using so much slang it's dated in five years. Or, my cheat, explicitly placing the story in a specific time where it's not *today's* teenspeak.

I tend to have an easier time writing teens from an earlier time period. For the one book with a contemporary setting, I'm trying to avoid any specific brand-new teenspeak, because who's to say it won't be the "gnarly" or "gag me with a spoon" of the future? ("Whatever" makes an appearance, though...)

I liked Scott Westerfeld's trick (in the Uglies trilogy) of borrowing 1920s slang and repurposing it. It didn't feel fake, as so many invented slangs do.

I'm pretty sure I've used "You know full well" before. I'll have to review my habits!

Westerfield's does sound like a good trick, at least for periods other than here and now.

I'm about to have to venture into the unfamiliar waters of late 70's slang for something (albeit for a 20 year old or so), so "sounding right" is a particularly worrisome topic for me. Eeek!

Yeah, "you know full well" is the sort of thing I'd have said as a kid. Or as a teen. In fact, Molly may say that, too.

It's always hard not to try to justify things by "But I said that!", isn't it?

Alas, that's running into "But it really happened? How can it be unbelievable in a story?" territory. SO i can say "You know full well" or use Alas in a sentence in the real world, even when I was 17 -- but my characters had best not do so. (Er, they'd probably have to say "Better not do that.") At least, not all of them, and not without justification in their background.

:raises hand: I talked like that.

In my family I am famous for having said to my grandmother, at age two and a half, both "Unfortunately, I do not care for milk" and "Grandma! You have such beautiful little yellow teeth!"

Perhaps the reason the (YA, fantasy) book I'm writing decided to set itself in a sort of indeterminate Jane-Austen-esque era was so that all the characters could talk like that ...

See, *my* version of an Irish float would have the Guinness replaced with Bailey's. Not that the Guinness sounds bad to me, but the Bailey's would be so much better. 'Course with me and milk, I'd be just as likely to do the Guinness by itself, or maybe skip that entirely and just go for a nice peaty scotch. Except that's not Irish. Well, then Jameson's it is.

*wanders off to listen to more Pogues*

There was a milkshake (or something) that had Baileys and a bunch of other things like that in it. Actually, I'm not 100% sure it was a milkshake and not a mixed drink that was supposed to taste kind of like a milkshake.

E talks like that too. Maybe it's a 5/6-year-old thing. No, so does L. They use words like "horrid" and "perfectly lovely." I can't think of any other examples right now but every day I notice something.

Maybe it is children of over-educated parents? Um, unless that offends anyone, in which case I don't mean you of course.

Redbeard, you can keep your whisky, if I can have your beer. I'm having nachos for dinner and we're out of beer.

Yes, I do think this is one of the results of having an overeducated parent. I was raised by PhDs. I remember adults cracking up over hearing certain polysyllabic words coming out of my mouth -- however, I don't remember what any of these words were, as none seemed like big, impressive words to me, they seemed like regular words that normal people might use in regular conversation, because I heard my parents use them pretty regularly.

*sigh*

I was floored that the people at my preschool didn't immediately respond to my intended message when I piped up with, "Excuse me, I feel like I am about to regurgitate."

Real kids don't talk like you.

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yeah