Another update about Lisa, Sara, and Adam

[naomikritzer]

Below the cut.



Yesterday Sara brought up the situation with Adam while in the car with her parents. First, she checked to make sure it was still okay for her to tell the teacher if Adam touched her bottom while she was going potty again. They told her it was, and that she should tell her teacher right away.

"Even if I'm not done pottying yet?"

"Well, you probably should finish on the potty first."

"Yeah, because last time I finished going potty and then washed my hands so Mrs. G wouldn't smell stinky potty hands and then told her."

"You told Mrs. G?"

"Yeah. And when Adam touched Madison's bottom, Madison told Mrs. G too."

"He touched Madison's bottom?"

"Uh huh."

I asked Lisa for some clarification about when this incident happened, and Lisa thinks that these are incidents that Sara is conjuring up to help herself understand what has happened and what may happen in the future. However, Lisa and her husband do think that at some point Sara was sitting on the toilet and using the toilet, and Adam put his hands on her bare bottom, possibly soiling them in the process. And possibly he did the same to Madison, and she didn't tell anyone about it. Furthermore, Sara is clearly very concerned that this may happen in the future, and feels intimidated by the boy.

They are going to call Madison's parents this evening.

Lisa thinks that it's time to just take Sara out of school; she doesn't think they can wait for the principal and teacher to remedy the situation. Sara enjoys school but also loves being at home. One concern for Lisa is that she has suffered from some fairly intense depression in the past, which is part of why Sara is in preschool right now -- she needed both some regular breaks, and the opportunity to go to therapy. She knows a college-aged girl who may be willing to provide some babysitting/mother's helper type services for a reasonable amount of money.

However, Lisa is second-guessing herself; she wants to know that pulling Sara out is the right thing to do for Sara, and that it's not something she's just doing for her own comfort or peace of mind. On one hand, she feels as if she should have acted on this weeks ago, but on the other hand, she doesn't want to make things harder for Sara than they need to be. She notes that she is past worrying about Adam: the principal, teacher, social worker, and his mom all seem to be firmly on his side, and Lisa needs to advocate for her daughter, but she's uncertain of how.



I told her that I would re-post, but I was pretty sure the response would be a universal "pull her the hell out out of that school; you can't trust the staff, and she's clearly freaked out by the boy."

Comments

[mmerriam.livejournal.com]

Yes, I think it is time for Lisa to pull Sara out of that school.

[porphyrin.livejournal.com]

I think it is time for Lisa to pull her kid from that school. If she's feeling that she's the only advocate for her daughter and the administration and social services are on 'his side' instead of 'looking out for the welfare of both kids', then it has ceased to be a situation which I would, as a mother, tolerate for my kid.

[romsfuulynn.livejournal.com]

Pull her out. Then figure it out.

[lilisonna.livejournal.com]

Pull her out now.

[papersky.livejournal.com]

I disagree. I think having got this far with getting the school to deal with it, and empowering Sara to tell the teacher, if nothing new has happened -- which as I read this I don't think it has -- pulling Sara out would send Sara the wrong message. "You have power to stop this" is quite different from "Run away! Run away!" as a method of dealing with problems. I think learning to run away is more likely to mess her up as an adult than any of the rest of this.

Give it a couple of weeks of actual school and see.

[joykins1.livejournal.com]

Time for mom to trust her instincts and remove the child from the school. Her peace of mind is actually an important factor here.

That said, I've noticed with my own preschoolers that they don't always distinguish between "what happened today" and "what happened a week ago" when speaking or sometimes even apparently in their own heads. Also they have told outrageous lies about daycare from time to time for reasons that made sense when unraveled -- a new kid taking a toy they wanted to play with would end up being recounted as the new kid hitting/kicking/pinching them. However, sexual type touching stories from day care would raise massive red flags for me.

[splagxna.livejournal.com]

i don't really have a strong sense on pull her out v. not, but given how clearly sara is disturbed by this, i would strongly recommend having her see a counselor/therapist who specializes in young children.

[journeywoman.livejournal.com]

What is the school doing that makes her think they're on Adam's side?